Down Towards the Healing
by SRC
Summary: Action comes easy, it's the moments just before that are hard. Jeff Maria RVD CM Punk. Chapter 7 added on 8.29.09
1. Roads

"Down Towards the Healing"

Chapter 1: "Roads"

By SRC

"_I think it's time,_

_To sober up and die." _

He was alone again; some city in the southwest, Tuscan maybe? It didn't really matter, all he knew was that it was flat and dry and he was alone.

The hotel was just like any other hotel he had stayed in for the past month or so. A small room with a wall of windows and one of those cheap sliding curtains in the most horrifying print you could ever imagine; a full size bed that was probably from the mid 80's judging by the springs that dug into his back, and a threadbare pullout couch that matched the curtain.

Even the roaches were the same.

Presently, it was 11:14 at night and he was sitting on the ground across from the couch, his legs splayed out in front of him, his neck angled up leaning against the off-white, well dented wall. Some sort of TV stand was to his left, but the remote didn't work and the only channels that came in clear were in Spanish or CNN.

Jeff gave up on the news 5 years ago.

He had been back in the company for about a little over a month, and he had never felt more alone in his fucking life.

In the beginning he had always had Matty. His brother was always there, even when Jeff didn't want him to be. Keeping him out of the mini-fridge, when they were teenage jobbers: "Jeff! Put that Snickers back! It costs more then you do, ok?"

Or the night of Jeff's 21st when some of the guys told him to sneak out and they'd buy him his first legal drink. Matt was there within 45 minutes watching from the back as the vets' poured drink after drink down Jeff's throat for the first few hours and then realized what a light-weight he was and got the hell out of dodge before he would ruin the expensive interior of their fancy cars.

It was Matt who had driven him back, and Matt who held his purple hued hair back as he prayed to the porcelain god until 1 pm the next day.

And when they individually went through personal demons, like girls and school and friends, Jeff knew he was never alone cause Matt was stuck with him. DNA is a tricky sucker like that.

Even in the TNA, Jeff was with his friends from home, and his band. The ache of not having his brother there was bearable.

But now, Jeff was experiencing being alone, truly alone, for the first time.

He hadn't thought it would be so hard. He had known some of these people since puberty, for Christ sakes; they heard his fucking voice change. He had expected some sort of friction, as he hadn't left of the best terms, or even the most clear of terms. But he hadn't expected hostility or humiliation either.

People didn't openly mock him, or ostracize him like he had imagined, but the pointed suspicious looks he got sent chills up his spine for the first few weeks. Now he just kind of chuckled when he walks into rehearsal and people collectively look at the clock to see how late Jeff had walked in.

He also found out that people have changed. Some of the most radical being Michael, Paul, and John. Michael had completely grown up; he rarely cursed, rarely drank, and walked around with an ease and light smile that was completely foreign to Jeff. He was used to the man being funny and vulgar, with a cocky look permanently on his face. The heartbreak kid was one of the first to welcome Jeff back and had done so with a wide smile and a big hug.

_The older man invited him to lunch to catch up and talk with Jeff, and Jeff, never one to say no to food or the Icon himself, agreed and within a half hour, between bites of burgers, Jeff saw the happiness in his friend._

_"So, are you glad to be back, kid?" Michael had asked wile munching on a fry._

_"I think so. Everything seems…different, ya know? I guess I half expected for time to have frozen and things to have been exactly the same."_

_Michael put down his food and looked Jeff square in the eye, "Yeah, but change can be a great thing. It's going to be hard at first, cause of … everything, but don't worry things will get better."_

_"It's just weird, cause there's no Matty and no one in the hotel room with me, checking in on me and stuff."_

_"Trust me. You'll have so many people checking on you now, your body temperature is probably gonna go up a couple degrees from everyone breathing down your back. Me included."_

_Jeff laughed and looked sheepishly down at his burger that was bleeding on his plate._

_"Jeff, son, I know you probably hate talking about it, but just this once I have to say what I need to say: You messed up. It sucks, but we've all been there. It happened to Rob two months ago! And I mean, look who you're talking too. People are going to be hard on you, and maybe even resent you, but just tough it out cause there are some amazing people who'll love you just like your friends all love you, just like I love you. You know what you have to do and what you have to stay away from. I trust you, and if you ever need to talk, my door is always open."_

_Jeff took his napkin and pretended to wipe his mouth and nose while squeezing his eyes shut. When he opened them Michael's own kind blue eyes were still on him._

_"Thank you, Michael. I… I'm just ready for something good to happen. And you've given me hope. So thanks. Thanks for everything."_

And the Icon had been just as dedicated as he said he would. Michael tried to get Jeff out at lease once a week; for lunch or errands that the man had to do. He tried to get him to go out with others, in a group. But unless the older man was with him, he rarely made the effort.

So here he was, alone in his room with an empty beer can that was full of cigarette butts that had been smoked to the filter and the bottle of red, keeping both time and company.

* * *

AN:

This is something that has been in the back of my mind since Jeff had that one scene with Maria.

Then I saw the scene with Ric Flair and Maria and I noticed she had these bruises up and down her arm. In my mind I know that it's just because she's wrestling and stuff, but it made me wonder.

Should I continue? Cause I kind of want too. Jeff Hardy is my Holden Caulfield of wrestling. I just love him. This is also the first WWE fic that probably won't be slash. At least I don't think it will.

The Story is named after that Lovedrug song and this chapter is inspired by the Blindside song, "Roads". They are pretty fabulous songs; I'll send them to you if you ask.

I have no claims to anything you recognize and probably some things you don't.

Happy reading and reviewing! Eh-hem; did I mention happy reviewing?


	2. The Dumbing Down of Love

"Down Towards the Healing"

Chapter 2: "The Dumbing Down of Love"

By SRC

"_Underachieving  
Cause no-one's receiving  
This tunnel vision  
Is turning out all wrong"_

Jeff was slouched in one of the arena seats one level up from the floor, his feet were dangling off the railing and in the air above the heads of the many technicians that were working and joking around diligently.

Wires were tangled and draped everywhere. The ring, still being strung together, sat in center, darkened by the lack of attention and still missing the turnbuckles and top ropes. The canvas must not have been tightened because it hung on limply to the frame, like Jeff's hotel sheets after a sleepless night. He'd always tried to assemble the sheet properly in the morning, feeling bad for the maid, but it always looked lifeless after he was through. The fragmentary ring reminded him of a spider's web that had holes punched into it by villains and storms.

He saw some of the divas sitting at ringside with large cups of designer coffee and expensive bags. A few blondes were picking their nails, Amy was rapidly typing something into cell phone, and Maria was idly thumbing through something looking suspiciously like a script with a small frown on her face. The stage coach was talking to them in slow sentences, as if they were children instead of adults.

Jeff watched and listened to them mildly while sketching out the dismantled ring from his birds eye view. It went on for about twenty minutes before all the girls were dismissed except those who had a match that week and they had to stay for first rotation practice. Candice, Torrie, Amy and some other blonde all stayed behind, as the other few girls said goodbye and gathered up their belongings, talking amongst each other as they headed out.

Jeff watched Amy while she laughed at something the tall blonde girl had said and turned to have a seat at ring side looking at her cell phone as if willing it to ring. Jeff was almost tempted to call her up just to piss her off. Too bad hated cell phones, because it would have been pretty funny.

Jeff was about to let it go, when the girl jumped out of the stadium seat and practically ran over to a man who had just come into the arena. The man was dressed in a ratty college sweatshirt with plaid, green, yellow and blue pajama pants. On his feet was a pair of soccer sandals over a pair of white socks. The hood from the sweatshirt obscured his face.

When Amy had gotten over to the man, she pulled the strings on his hood down and the hood bunched and curled around his face. Even from where Jeff was sitting he could hear a hearty laugh and immediately knew who the hooded stranger was. The question though was why was Ame's hanging out with him?

He put his notebook on top of his back pack that was on the seat next to him and continued to watch his friend and John.

She pulled down his hood and looped her arm through his and started to talk to him as she lead them back to the seats and stage coach. Jeff couldn't read lips, but even if he could, Amy's were moving too quick to catch anything anyways.

Jeff hadn't seen the red head this happy since they were in their early 20's. Her face was always lit with a huge smile, she was constantly surrounded by people, and she was clearly all about having a great time in the final weeks of her career. To Jeff, it looked like she had gained a little weight. She looked healthier then Jeff had seen her. Her face was full with a rosy glow on her skin. She was lush curves instead of severe angles.

Not to mention her rack was huge.

John was another story. His body was always immaculate and in great condition, but the bags that hung under his eyes revealed short nights and long days. Although he was always in a pretty good mood, Jeff was saddened to see that John's warmth to everyone he met had grown colder. He was burning out fast and Jeff's heart bled for him. Hopefully they would give him a break soon, cause John was too nice of guy to be swallowed in by the long days and endless work. Especially because John seemed to be the type to want to lounge around on a Sunday, eat chili and watch the Eagles destroy the Cowboys on Fox.

Jeff kept watching them noticing that Amy, who had always been a touchy person, kept touching Johns arm or his knee, and John, the jokester he was kept a grin on the redheads face. He'd have to keep his eyes out for them, because it would be interesting to see where it went.

His entertainment for the moment was cut off in about 10 minutes as the stage coach came over to the pair and John completely went in to work mode and Amy smiled up at John and then back at the coach, who looked and spoke to John as if the girl wasn't there.

Jeff stood up after putting his crap back into his backpack and took out his ipod and took the stairs down and out towards the front exit. He'd check in with the redhead later and ask her what the hell was up.

He turned left when he got out of the building and went to the side of the building to sit in the shade as he fumbled with the beat up pack of Marlboros. He hadn't looked up from his well worn black converse since the sunlight had hit his eyes and he was singing along with the words that were in his ears.

So when he finally sat along the brick wall and glanced around for the first time, the presence of another person scared the crap out of him.

He saw Maria's shoulders shake from her giggles and she waved a friendly hand at him as his skin settled back on his body.

The slight girl was sitting Indian style in a pair of cutoffs and a black zip up hooded jacket. She also had ear buds in her ears and was now taking one of the little white pieces out of the ear that was closest to Jeff.

Jeff didn't really like the situation he was in. He didn't know this girl at all. They had just two scenes together and those scripted words were pretty much the only thing Jeff had ever said to her. He wasn't sure if he could hold a conversation right now, like this, casually. Could he get away with not saying anything? He could go back inside, but he had just lit a new cigarette and that committed him to stay for at least five minutes.

She was smiling at him so he took out one of his ear buds and waved back to her his own black hoody sleeve obscuring almost his whole hand, save for some chipped black fingernails.

"Hey Jeff; how's it goin?"

Jeff shrugged and took a drag of the cigarette and gave the pretty girl a small closed mouth smile,

"What are you doing here? I wouldn't think you'd be here till closer to your practice time –", Maria saw Jeff look back down at his sneakers, purple and blonde hair obscuring his face as he hunched his shoulders a bit. "No! Jeff… I didn't mean it like that… I wasn't implying that you'd be late, just that … well you're here so early. I mean, isn't your practice spot not until like three or something? And here you are at the Diva's slot, and I just wasn't sure why you were here? Unless you came to watch the Diva's or are you seeing someone at work? Oh my god. I'm so sorry, Jeff. I know that you're not **_that_** guy. I just can't seem to stop talking. Stop me, please."

And Jeff had to laugh before he choked out, "So how's that foot tastin'? Salty?"

Maria looked pathetic and put on a sideways smile, "Sometimes I can't think before I speak and things just come out. And I'm listening to what I say and I'm thinking, 'Did I really just say that? That's not what I meant at all, I could have phrased that so much better.' But do I stop and breathe? Nope, just keep rambling on. Like now, for instance."

Jeff gave the girl a smile complete with teeth and dimples, "No worries, chances are, whatever your sayin' everyone is thinkin' anyways. So really your doin everyone a service if you think about it…like what you said just then."

"Well isn't it fun when you surprise everyone?"

Jeff just raised his eyebrows at her and continued to smoke his cigarette. Why were they still talking about _him? _He _hated_ him.

"So what are you doin' out here, just sittin?"

Maria sensed the urgency of the change in subject and went with it, "Waiting for Ashley to get done saying goodbye to everyone. She's my ride to our photo shoot." She looked at Jeff and the cigarette between his fingers that needed to be ashed. "So, I'll probably be waiting for another 45 minutes. That girl can talk; I mean more then me, and now you know, that's saying something."

Jeff just nodded and ground his cigarette on the warm concrete beneath him before standing up and walking to the nearest garbage can.

This was his opportunity for an exit. He could just wave goodbye and go back to being by himself. But is that what he really wanted?

He looked back at Maria who was sitting there with a half smile on her face and absently drumming a rhythm on the ground next to her.

Why walk away? This girl was actually being friendly with him. She was talking about herself and not asking him questions. And she seemed to be generally a nice person. Michael said he needed to hang out with other people.

So he sat back down next to her, not saying anything, but not putting the one ear piece back in his ear either.

The comfortable silence went on for about 5 minutes, before Maria pushed up her sleeves and turned to face him, "What are you listening too?"

It was a simple question, but Jeff was thrown off at the sight of the ink on the insides of her wrists. There, nestled right above the tangle of blue veins were two black X's.

He thought about them for a moment before saying, "Nice tats".

Maria stroked the one on her left hand, "Thanks. What are you listening too?" She repeated.

"Doubt you've heard of it and highly doubt you'd like it".

The skeptism on her face made Jeff want to tease her unmercifully, "Mostly industrial stuff."

"I like Indus-"

"You know, like jackhammers and table saws and stuff like that."

And the look on Maria's face was priceless and Jeff couldn't help but chuckle. "Maria. I'm joking! I'm listening to Sigur Ros. It's kind of like experimental, indie stuff; mostly instrumental…"

Maria looked thoughtful, "is it like… heavy?" she asked curiously.

Jeff shook his head no.

After a few minutes Jeff turned to Maria, "What are you listening too?"

"The Shins", she said matter of fact-ly.

Jeff nodded his head and played with the hole in his jeans, before Maria asked, "You heard of em?"

"My friend back home loves em, but I have never heard there stuff before."

"Dude. You have to hear this, it will change your life", and she scooted closer to Jeff before giving him the ear bud that had been dangling in front of her shoulder since she saw Jeff. Jeff took it and put it in his ear after taking out his other ear bud.

And a unique crooning voice sang to him along with the entwined sounds of acoustic and electric guitar. He listen to it for a few minutes before handing it back to her.

"I really like it", and he was completely honest. It was new and refreshing and something that he had never heard before.

"I know, great isn't it?" She paused, "Wanna switch?" She handed her white ipod over to Jeff.

"Ok", and Jeff unplugged his matching one and handed it to Maria.

Jeff sat in silence for about 20 minutes enjoying the music, until he looked over at Maria and saw that she had tears running down her face. He pulled the ear buds out of his ears and touched her shoulder.

"Maria? What's wrong?" panic had settled into his stomach when he saw her distress.

She took the white plugs out and wiped her face before smiling a watery smile, "Look at me. I'm such a car crash." She laughed and continued to wipe at her eyes, smearing already smudged black eyeliner, "I'm fine. It's just … so emotional, ya know? I wasn't expecting this from you. It invokes so many feelings and I just started crying!" She sniffled.

Jeff looked into her eyes, now rimmed with red and making the irises seem impossibly green and he had to look away, "Well, music is worthless unless it can make someone break down and cry" he said under his breath mostly to himself.

Maria looked up and she locked eyes with Jeff, heart heavy with the deepness of Jeff's muttered phrase.

"Mm-ria! So sorry that took so long-". Ashley stopped short when she saw the tears on her friends face. "Honey, what's wrong?"

Jeff broke eye contact and handed her her ipod back before grabbing his pack of reds and lit one up.

Maria blinked, "Nothin; just being dumb", and she handed back Jeff's ipod, "You ready to go?"

Ashley looked sharply at Jeff and back to Maria, "Yeah, let's go girly" and she helped Maria up to her feet and put an arm over her shoulder as she led the brunette towards the parking lot.

Maria looked over her shoulder to the man sitting against the wall, "Bye Jeff, see you around." and gave a wave.

Jeff could hear Ashley screech, "What did he say to you? Are you sure you're ok?" as the pair of girls walked away.

* * *

Jesus! This was a bitch to write but I loved every second of it. Please leave feedback; this is the hardest I have ever worked at writing something! 

I don't own anything you recognize, but a couple tags need to be made:

Chapter title and lyrics in the beginning are by Frou Frou. Also, the quote about music is from Imogen Heap, I think.

Also, thanks in large part to Garden State for the inspiration, cause I stole the Shins line from there.

And I think that's it.

PLEASE REVIEW! Please?


	3. Confessions of a Futon Revolutionist

"Down Towards the Healing"

Chapter 3: "Confessions of a Futon-Revolutionist"

By SRC

"_10-6 or 9-5 trying, dying to survive.  
Never knowing what survival means.  
Leave the apartment to buy alcohol."_

Matt picked up the phone on the fourth and final ring; "What?" he demanded grouchy and sleepily.

The voice that answered him was that obnoxiously happy voice recording, "You are receiving a collect call from…"

What was she so happy about anyways? Oh yeah, she was happy because he was about to get ass raped with the bill in about two weeks. He really should decline the call and teach Jeff a lesson and save the 10 bucks that this would end up costing him.

So he wasn't at all surprised when Jeff's tenor voice rang in tinny through the receiver in the appropriate slot saved for his name in the message.

"'Your Baby Brother!' Would you like to accept the charges?" _What a bitch, she knows I have too, _Matt thought, still thinking about the women on the recording.

"Yeah, I'll accept."

He sat up in bed, the sheets spilling around his waist as he waited for the phone to connect back to his brother.

"Yo-ha Bro-ha!"

"Fuck you, ya fucker! It's 5:30 in the morning and I didn't go to bed until 3:40. What do you _want_?"

"Well good mornin', sunshine. But to be truthful, I forgot about the time difference so I apologize. How many hours difference is it from Kansas to California?"

"Of course you forgot Jeff. You really have a problem with thinking… and its two hours difference. What do you want, Jeff?"

"Just wondering how you're doin'".

Matt could almost see Jeff nervously and guiltily ground his toe of his crusty converse into the cement and bit at his nails. "Jeff stop fidgeting, I'm not mad, just cranky, you know that." Matt sighed and rubbed his eyes, holding his cell phone between his ear and his shoulder, "So, what's up?"

"Nothin' just wanted to hear your voice and make sure you're doing ok, cause I really miss you."

"Stop playing that card, Jeffrey Nero Hardy, I'm immune. Seriously, what do you want, cause I'm going to have to sell a kidney to pay for this call. And then when I do, I'm coming after your kidney to replace the one I had to sell. We have the same blood type."

Jeff laughed and it was a welcome noise to Matt, because he _was_ worried about his baby brother.

"Hey, Jeff? You're doing ok, right? Not depressed or anything? Staying clean... Going to class?" He said the last one with a smile.

"Yes, Mom. I got an A on my last exam too!" Jeff cracked back, "Just miss being on the road with you, is all. I keep going to do something, and I always look up and wait for your reaction and you're never there." Jeff replied, toying with metal cord on the pay phone and reading the graffiti scratched into the plexi-glass.

"Sorry man, it will get easier. Just try to stay with a group, you'll be fine."

"I know I'll be fine. My comedic timing however – that has really suffered." Jeff smiled into the receiver when he heard Matt snort-laugh.

"Ok, man. Can I let ya go? Catch a few more hours of sleep?"

"Actually, I wanted to tell you something real fast."

Matt sighed, "What?" When Jeff 'tells' him something, it's usually because he wants something that he knows he shouldn't have.

"When RAWs in Nevada and ya'll are in Sacramento, I'm taking a rental to pick up the truck."

Matt snort-laughed again, this time it was laced with sarcasm; "No you're not".

"Yeah, I am."

"No".

"Yes"

"…"

"…"

"For a particular reason? I mean, you just got your license back, are you sure you're ready?"

"Matty, it's my car! And yea, it will be fine."

"But, I love Charlene more then you do… you treat her like crap!"

"I think it's very un-balanced that you named _my_ cheap ass truck. What else have you named that's mine? My old guitar, my old band t-shirt? You probably have my high school diploma hanging up in your garage or something…"

"Charlene is not cheap! You just don't understand her. And you know the only reason I have that Pantera t-shirt is cause it's too big for you, and it's like the most softest cotton ever…"

Jeff laughed, "Sure. Start naming my appendages and we got problems though, ok?"

Matt smirked, "Jeff, stop evading the question, why do you want the truck?"

"To drive?"

"Jeff!"

"Fine. Robby invited me to his house in the Valley from Wednesday to Friday, when ECW and RAW start to head back east."

"Rob?! Jeff, no! Not again. You know I love Rob as much as anyone, but is that who you really want to get involved with again? Jeff, you know, you're that metaphor, "you put an alcoholic in a bar and he's gonna drink"… You're going to fuck up again and this is your last chance."

"Please, Matt. Don't hold back, tell me how you really feel."

"I'm serious, Jeff."

"Well, I'm an adult with a few day's off and I'm going so don't even bother hidin' the truck. I have a James Bond suit and I even wrote my own theme song; I will find it and then return it to you with… the gas tank empty." Jeff tried to joke.

"Whatever. I'm going back to bed."

"Matt, don't be mad. I love you."

"I love you too, Jeff, I just hate that you don't love yourself. Be safe." And Matt slammed his cell phone shut.

"You too" Jeff said into the disconnected phone.

He placed the phone back on the receiver and turned around; right into Maria.

He jumped straight up and back, banging his head against the case surrounding the pay phone.

"Jesus Christ! Stop doing that!"

Maria looked up, eyes wide, "Doing what?"

Jeff rubbed the back of his head, "Scaring the shit out of me."

"Dually noted. So who were ya talking too?"

He looked at Maria for a second and then looked up towards an overcast sky. For such an early morning, it was going to be a long day. "No one".

"Ah, I see. Then what were you doing on slash around a payphone?" She reasoned.

Jeff grinned when she pronounced 'slash' and rolled his eyes before responding, "Oh, just getting the latest dish. It's where all my information comes from." He took Maria by the hand and led her over, closer to the phone booth. "See, Sam hearts Ben. Oh and look! 'For a good time call 555-174-4888'! How could I not call that number? The only better source of information is bathroom stalls; that's where all the important stuff is."

Maria looked curiously at Jeff and then laughed out loud. "Well, huh. You're funny. Imagine that…"

Jeff looked down at his shoes under her scrutiny, "Yeah, I've been known to crack the occasional joke".

"So you where calling up…" Maria scanned the phone booth for a specific message, "'Melissa 'tits' McGee' for a good time?"

"Guilty… Ok no; I was talkin' to my brother, Matt".

"On a pay phone? I didn't even know these things worked anymore… I thought they were placed around for decoration." She looked at the graffiti on the phone, "And for 13 year olds to pen their torrid love affairs."

Jeff smiled quietly, "I hate cell phones".

"Blasphemy!"

"They make even the most polite person, the biggest asshole ever. And I think it's funny when someone doesn't have there phone and they freak out about it all day, like they don't have an arm or something. It's a phone, you're not going to die if you don't have it!"

"Oh, I beg to differ. Besides how do people get a hold of you on the road?"

"You sound like Matty."

"He sounds like a smart guy."

Jeff smiled kindly at Maria before shrugging his shoulders and looking down, "The important people always find a way to get a hold of me."

"Good answer; kind of depressing in my case, cause I can't even get my friends from back home to give me a call and they have there phone permanently attached to their face."

"Well then, fuck em. They're missin' out."

Maria smiled brightly, "What about phone numbers? I mean… I have at least 200 hundred in my phone and the only one I have memorized is my Dads."

"It's called a phone book. And like I said, why would I want someone's number that's never going to call me? And for the numbers that are important, well, besides when I'm lit or something, I kind of have a knack for memorizing numbers."

Maria looked at him doubtfully.

"I know I'm not smart, I know that. But I've always been able to remember numbers."

"Jeff- I didn't mean to…" and it was easier just to drop that line of thought. "So If I gave you my number, you'd remember it? You could call me in say… 4 days?"

"Sure."

"415-555-8932. No cheating, like writing it down or anything! And I expect that call or I'm going to reveal that your super powers are all a pack of lies." She said sincerely.

Jeff laughed, "Sure thing."

Maria held out her hand and Jeff took it in his and gave a slow shake.

Jeff sat down on the side of the wall and lit a cigarette, this week they were Camel Lights.

Maria turned and followed him, despite her being in black dress pants and silky vintage blouse. "So I bought a Sigur Ros album and I haven't stopped listening to it all week. It's like… hypnotizing."

"I know; it's pure genius."

"So your big into music." It wasn't a question, "Know anyone else I'd like?"

"Yeah, I know some bands—" Jeff was cut off by a shrill ring coming from Maria's purse that was casually thrown to the ground beside her.

She smiled apologetically, "I really need to take this", as she flipped open the small silver phone. "Hello?"

Jeff looked down at the cigarette that was burning away between his fingers as he listened to one side of the conversation.

"Great… Ok… I'll be right up… thank you."

"Sorry!" Maria smiled apologetically, "I'm so rude; after you just told me you hated cell phones for that reason! It's just I'm waiting for this meeting with Creative and Mr. McMahon and that was the confirmation… So I need to go." She spoke quickly while standing up. "I'm trying to get them to let me start wrestling more; it's really important to me."

"Well, good luck." Jeff said sincerely.

"Thanks; I'll need it." And she walked away towards the door to the inside of the hotel. She got to the door and turned around to yell at Jeff, "And I still expect that phone call!"

"_We'll talk the night away.  
You call in sick, I'll quit the word-games that I play.  
I swear I way more than half believe it when I say that somewhere love and justice shine.  
Cynicism falls asleep.  
Tyranny talks to itself.  
Sappy slogans all come true.  
We forget to feed our fear."_

AN:

Thanks for everyone's reviews and I hope this chapter lives up to what everyone expected.

I was originally going to go right into his visit with RVD, but I wanted ya'll to see a lighter side of Jeff and one more conversation with Maria. Hope all the characters are still believable.

And I apologize for all the dialogue. I'm much more of a description writer, but these characters lend themselves to quick, witty banter.

Next chapter will be RVD and Jeff, and it will be **slash**. Mostly cause I want to write a love scene between two guys and this gives me a good opportunity to do so. I'm not quite ready for Cena and Michaels to jump each other yet (lol, to anyone reading those). This story is still Jeff/Maria, though.

Please read and review; I really want to know what you think.

The song this week is by The Weakerthans; "The Confessions of a Futon-Revolutionist".

I **love** The Weakerthans.


	4. Good Time

AN 1: Hey all, sorry for the hiatus. I try not to put 'authors notes' in the beginnings of these chapters, but this chapter has a disclaimer, so here goes: The following chapter contains **recreational drug use** that results in the munchies and **m/m** **slash**. So I ask you to notice the rating that is assigned to the story.

Ok, now that I said that, I want everyone who is still reading (Oh God, I can hear the crickets now) to know that this is my first time writing slash scenes before. I tried my very hardest to make it soft, sincere, mature and respectful.

I know a lot of you expressed concern with the slash aspect, but I'm begging you to read it and share your opinions, because they truly mean the world to me.

This story is still JefRia (Jeff/Maria) and I promise that they will get there fair share of attention.

**Please review and tell me what you think.**

"Down Towards the Healing"

Chapter 4: "Good Time"

By SRC

"_Are you having a good time_

_With your friends and your French wine?_

_So now I'm gonna warn ya_

_That there's only so much I can owe."_

The sun was falling out of the purple and pink California sky. Jeff was sprawled out on his back laying on the dried out, golden lawn. A joint was burning in his right hand that was resting on the grass by his side, nearly smoked to the roach.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Rob pull back the screen door from the house and make his way over to him. Quickly, Jeff looked back up towards the melting sky and took another hit and held it in, squeezing his eyes tight. He felt the man lye down beside him, his arm brushing against his and he passed the joint towards him. Rob moved the joint to his lips and entwined his fingers with Jeff's as he finished the roll.

Jeff smiled with his eyes still closed and fingers still intertwined and rolled on his side, closer to the man and they stayed like that until the sky was dark blue and Rob had goose bumps alone his skin.

Rob was the first to move. He sat up and gave Jeff a kiss on the cheek before standing up and heading back inside the house.

Being with Rob was hard to explain, because it was so surreal. It was like… that lazy Sunday afternoon. That one day a week that is used as reverence and the perfect way to mentally prepare for the shit that the next week would bring. You kind of know that it won't last forever, but at the same time, it would be back next week about the time you start to go crazy again. It was safe.

-Flashback-

Jeff had pulled up to the small California styled home in the early afternoon sunlight. The rusty red truck was burning oil, sending puffs of black smoke into the air that he saw out of the rear-view mirror. A neon yellow post it-note was stuck to the dash:

_Don't do anything stupid, Idiot. I love you and it's hard to break in a new best friend._

–_Matt. _

_Yeah, right, _thought Jeff. _He's just making sure the trucks ok. ­_He mentally pictured his brother snuggling up to the little red truck and checking his reflection in the shiny metal spokes of the tire.

Jeff smiled at that thought. When they had been out in Cameron one visit home, they went to some store for something and when they came back out, Jeff discovered someone had stolen the metal rims that came with truck when Jeff had bought it. They weren't particularly nice or anything, but someone had obviously thought they were worth something and had stripped them. Jeff could care less what his car looked like; it took him from point A to point B as cheaply as possible without to much stalling. But Matt had insisted that he replace them. So he had gone to the body shop and bought the cheapest ones in the store and they just happen to be thick, ugly and plastic.

They looked absolutely horrible on the junker; eternally shiny spokes clashed with the rusted exterior of the truck.

When Matt saw them, his face got that pinched look of annoyance and Jeff added a point to the "Jeff wins" column of a mental list of battles that Jeff knew Matt was kicking his ass in.

He read the note one more time before cutting the ignition and walking up the pathway that led to Robs house and toward the ramp that was installed from the front door over the steps that had once led to the porch.

Jeff didn't even need to knock on the door before Rob's dimpled smile was in front of him. Before he knew it, he was pulled into a tight hug and led into the house.

It was different from when he had last seen it; right before the accident. The house was still spotless, just like last time. But this time, there were ramps going from the dropped rooms and an electronic stair climber was attached to the railing of the hard wood stairs. Rob's office and game room that once held all of Rob's comic books, action figures and videogames was evicted and in its place was old bedroom furniture, a full-sized bed and a spare silver wheelchair.

Jeff looked sadly at the makeshift room and quickly turned his attention back to Rob.

He offered a slight, kind smile, "How've ya been, Robbie?"

Rob gave him a big grin, but there was no ignoring the graying temples and the dark circles under his eyes. "I'm great; It's just so great that you came. I guess I wasn't expecting much. You probably have so many people watching your ass… I thought you'd been banned from seeing me."

Jeff laughed and followed Rob into the family room and sat down on a soft, light brown leather overstuffed chair. "Yeah well, I had to see you. It's been a long fuckin' time. Besides, I'm sick of being on my 'best behavior'. I wanna get fucked up."

Rob laughed and handed Jeff a beer and sat on the sofa next to him.

Jeff smiled softly, "How's Sonya, Rob?"(1)

Rob's face fell and his voice got deeper and flat, "She's at a P.T. session in the city. They usually last for a week or so. They make her stay there because she's in so much pain that she can't take the 25 minute car ride back home each night."

"Rob, I –"

"Hey! She bought you an apple pie, cause she remembered how much you loved her baked apples…she's said she sorry she couldn't make them for you again. She's sorry that she can't … she's sorry that she couldn't see you again. How messed up is that? She's sorry…" Rob broke off with a harsh laugh, his brown eyes shiny.

Jeff moved to the sofa Rob was on, and draped an arm around his shoulder. "Tell her I said 'thanks' and send my love". He pulled Rob towards him and planted a big, wet kiss on his rough stubble covered cheek. "So what's a guy have to do to get high around here?"

Rob grinned, "Man, I was hoping you would bring that up. All my stoner friends are either in jail or kicked the habit… but are you sure? I don't want you falling off the wagon cause of me".

"Shut the hell up, I was practically toked the second you invited me here".

And within 30 minutes Jeff's head was lighter, the world was lighter and everything was pretty fuckin' hilarious.

"So how's the ECW treatin' ya?" Jeff asked in between a hit of the hash that Rob had just handed him.

"-s fuckin nuts. Everyone over there is so chill. Hookin' up with Paul and Terry (2)… It's a party, man. I mean, except for the whole, 'Rob-will-never-win-another-belt-ever-again' thing."

Jeff nodded his head and held in another hit, "Yeah, Vince'll have fun teasing me with a belt and then taking it away the next week for another couple month's before he even considers letting me 'party'."

"Yeah I blew up that ship before it even left the dock" Rob laughed out. "New life lesson for ya, Jeffro- don't be speeding while weeding (3)."

Jeff laughed, choking on the cup cake he had just shoved in his mouth.

"You should totally come to ECW. You could be at the top in no time. The fans would fuckin eat that shit up!"

"Yeah… wait, what?"

"Dude… What?"

Jeff giggled and grabbed the bottle of Captain Morgan that was just about cashed. He took a healthy swig and immediately slumped down in the couch next to Rob. Leaning his head on the bigger mans shoulder.

After Rob had finished the bowl, he jumped off the couch and tripped over to his stereo, and predictably, Sublime was soon turned up and the healthy bass was pounding in Jeff's ears along with his heart.

Rob had decided the four steps back to the sofa were too much and laid down right by the speaker.

Jeff craved companionship and rolled off the couch and towards Rob, right when his favorite song came on. Rob was feeding himself marshmallows when Jeff settled perpendicular to Rob so that his head fit perfectly in the nook from Robs shoulder to his ear.

Jeff sang softly along with Brad Nowell and the twang of the steel guitar.

"_No trouble or fuss; I know why_

_It's so nice, I wanna hear _

_the same song twice."(4)_

And throughout the song, he could feel Rob's jaw move as he chewed and he could feel the powerful muscles in his neck as they moved lithely under thin layers of skin.

And by the end of the song Rob's fingers where tangled in his orange dyed, damaged hair and Jeff was playing air guitar to that last few six counts of the song.

Sometime between the bag of the Lay's potato chips, a bag of those Chewy Chips Ahoy, and "40 Oz of Freedom", Rob and Jeff and made the journey to Rob's bedroom, that now had boxes of the shit from his old office.

Halfway up the stairs Rob stopped and sat on the steps, pulling Jeff down with him. His limbs felt light, but he fell down gracelessly like a sandbag and slid down a few steps below the older man. Rob was giggling at Jeff's actions and pulled out some brightly color blotter paper, perforated in perfect cubic centimeters. Rob fumbled with one while ripping it from the rest.

He caught Jeff's bright green eyes set off by red rims and touched the back of the square to his tongue before sliding down to the same step as Jeff and sticking the colorful paper on Jeff's cheek. He quickly tore off another and placed gave the decorated man another one to match, grinning wickedly, letting the acid take effect.

Jeff watched Rob's full mouth begin to lick the third stamp, and before the man could even close his mouth Jeff attacked.

His senses were overwhelmed with the smoky taste of the weed and the stronger, slightly bitter taste of the LSD. But as soon as the buzz started to hit, he realized how soft the inside of Rob's mouth was, and how sweet his lips tasted. He ran his hands along his companions face; smoothing his eyebrows down towards his temples and along the side of his face until he hit the rough five o'clock shadow and he let his hand fall down to Rob's strong shoulders, not once breaking contact.

Rob moaned into Jeff's open mouth, and moved deeper within the kiss. His hand sat stationary on Jeff's hips, massaging ever couple of minutes. It reminded Jeff of a large cat contracting his claws in and out in contentment.

Finally they resurfaced, as they each took in gulps of air and stared at each other. Jeff's vision was swimming pleasantly, and swirls of bright colors were waltzing in and out of picture.

He was only half aware of Rob grabbing his hand and leading him upstairs and was only half confused when he fell into what seemed like a mountain of snowy white down comforter. Both confusion and coherency fled from his mind as Rob crawled on top of him and continued the scene that took place on the steps.

He felt calloused fingers run up his t shirt and trace abstract patterns on his stomach. When the light touch reached the sensitive skin on his sides, Jeff started to laugh and turned his face into a pillow, his hair spilling into his vision while the room still spun magnificently. Rob peeled Jeff's shirt off, helping him sit up and lift it above his head. His lips started to come back to Jeff's face, his hands continuing to roam and his mouth worked a trail down Jeff's chest. Jeff, in an unexpected burst of energy sat up and spun the man over, so their positions were reversed. Jeff straddles the larger man's thighs and deftly got to work on Robs belt buckle. After a few seconds of fumbling, he got the flash of silver loose and had his jeans around his ankles.

A pair of simple white cotton boxers rode low on his hips contrasting beautifully with Rob's tanned California skin. The tent at the button fly was growing higher as Jeff striped Rob of his shirt and leaned up and licked each nipple in turn. Jeff ran a hand through a leg opening of the boxers and teased the responsive area, much like Rob had done to Jeff's stomach.

Rob let out a groan that caused Jeff to look up, "Jeff…".

Jeff was fascinated with Rob's heavy eyelids that kept fluttering open like butterfly wings. So fascinated he removed his hands from Rob's shaft and sat up to kiss each of the long lashed lids. He finished with a trail of kisses down his body and slid down pulling the boxers completely off and taking him fully into his mouth.

Rob arched his hips up into Jeff's parted lips and let strings of random words.

"God- Nnngh- …Je-eff"

Jeff loved the way his name sounded just then. Whispered and elongated. Jeff. It was just so plain, but off of Rob's lips it sounded like love. And in his clouded disconnected brain, he could pass it off as love.

He felt Rob's hands grasp the purple and orange hair and gently tug him off. When he looked up Rob bonelessly slid down to capture Jeff's lips once again letting him win the wrestling match that was happening between the sets of pink lips. Jeff could hear the gentle scrape of each of there respected five o'clock shadows and he laughed gently in the older mans mouth. Rob quickly broke the kiss and rested his forehead on Jeff's.

Rob didn't have to voice his question, Jeff could read him like a book; _He wants to fuck me._

Jeff gave him a smirk and rolled them over once again, so that he was beneath the stronger man and his head was cradled by pillows. He watched Rob roll off the bed and walk in the adjoining bathroom. In his half sober mind, he would be running for the door.

_This is Robbie! One of your best friends! And his wife, who he loves more than life itself, is coming home in a week. Yeah Hardy, you remember the young, sweet, woman. The girl that grilled up burgers and steaks at Rob's 32nd birthday, despite being born a vegetarian. The same girl who was hit by a drunk driver and is now a paralyzed from the waist down. Yeah that's her, you jackass. _

But as Rob walked back into the room and flopped down next him, he smiled at him softly. And when Rob started to kiss his chin and worked his way down his neck, licking and biting his clavicle, Jeff stopped thinking. And after Rob had prepared them both with something that smelled suspiciously like piña colada (Jeff wasn't going to touch that one) and Jeff was thinking about ways to escape (if only moving wasn't like climbing Mount Everest…) he felt Rob slowly start to push in, and the pressure drove all thoughts from his mind.

Besides, this moment gave him sufficient reason to hate himself and self loathing wasn't the same unless there was a healthy dose of guilt to go with it.

He took the pain, grasping the cotton sheets in his fists, but kept his eyes locked on Rob. Rob eyes were screwed shut, physical signs of self restraint to keep from loosing control. When he felt the tops of Rob's thighs flush against him, he began to let out the breath he had been holding.

Nothing was more sobering then having sex that you know you will later regret.

Soon, Rob's gentle rocking was sending his skin into light contractions of pleasure. Fireworks went off behind his eyelids when Rob's hips shifted and hit something that felt so spectacular it almost hurt. After that, he could see Robs lips moving but he couldn't hear the words of desire. All he could hear was his own deep breathing and the rush of blood to his head.

It was then that Jeff turned his head to the side and looked out the window. And it was then that he thought about how great they probably looked together, with Rob's steady rhythm making his muscle move laterally with ease under dark tan skin. A whiter, softer man with one leg wrapped around a Rob's waist, the other bent at the knee with his barefoot planted on flat on the bed.

Jeff could almost see the beautiful asymmetric positions and the way it played with the negative space and sharp angles. And the soft look of ecstasy on Rob's face… He was sure that it must have been a breathtaking sight.

Late afternoon light, rapidly transforming into dusk, filtered in through window catching both the dust in the air and the dark blonde highlights in Rob's hair that was falling down in the man's face muffling the soft grunts that escaped his mouth.

He began to dissociate from the moment in his head, as he mentally began to sketch the two men on the bed. He was thinking watercolors. Sketched in black Indian ink, no defining characteristics on anything; the bed, the floor, the two bodies and a window. That was all that was necessary. Swirls of bright colors, (thank you, Grateful Dead and wonderful trips, destination determined by acid) with light coffee color browns around the dominant male and the only thing black and white would be the man lying flat on the bed.

He was filtering out the color through the window in his mind, in his art, when he felt the tip of Rob's tongue trace the vine tattoo that crept up the side of his body, down his arm and up his neck to curl around the back of his ear.

He couldn't dissociate anymore; no one had ever done that to him and his eyes rolled up back to his head as he felt Rob's pace increase and start to half work Jeff's half erect penis.

He then noticed that Rob's rapid thrusts seemed to be in perfect unison with the heart beat.

Jeff felt himself stir, but the deft, semi conscious jerks of Rob's intoxicated dexterity was doing nothing for him mentally. The slamming in Jeff's body was at high tide and he had to shut himself off as Rob continually hit his prostate so his body would not react violently the intense feelings of pleasure.

"Jeh-eh-effr-" and with a final slam and smack of skin against skin, Jeff felt warmth spread inside of him.

Rob pulled out and released the hold on Jeff's leg and hip and fell next to the younger, now more sober man. One sweaty arm was slung across Jeff's chest and Rob laid his head on a shoulder that was plastered with brightly colored hair.

Rob's eyes were shut, but he spoke with desperation that was barely evident to the other occupant of the bed.

"I know-" he yawned, "that you probably want to move and clean up but-" he tightened his hold across Jeff chest, "can you please stay with me right now? For a few more minutes?" He pressed his nose close to the juncture where Jeff's arm met his shoulder and inhaled the scent deeply, "I just want someone with me" he murmured, before releasing the breath and drifting off.

Jeff blinked and turned his head and kissed the man on the side of the face which was most easily accessible. "Yeah, buddy. I want too."

"_I Hope that you're social life doesn't get ya killed, now."_

------------

AN 2: End gratuitous sex scene; you can uncover your eyes… for now.

So really, what did you all think? Cause I can't believe that I'm going to post this. Augh, just do it, Sam!

So I don't own anything that you recognize, but here are the official acknowledgments:

(1)Sonya is Rob's wife in real life. In an interview with RVD he mentioned that she was in a very bad accident. I can't remember what it was (jet-ski maybe?), but I know that she had a lot of damage done to her and Rob was really protective and loving about it in the interview. I wanted to play off of that a little bit, so I made up the drunk driving hit and her being paralyzed. Nope, not real at all.

(2)The Paul mention is Paul Heyman. I think I read somewhere that they are pretty good friends in RL. And Terry is Sabu in RL.

(3)The "Don't be speeding while weeding" is what RVD put up on his site. Fuckin' hilarious!

(4)"Boss DJ" lyrics by Sublime. If I had to listen to just one band for the rest of my life, it would be Sublime. They are that amazing.

(5) And the chapter title and the beginning and ending lyrics are, "Good Time" by Leroy.

Thanks to everyone who has reviewed or PM'ed me, giving criticism and compliments about the story. It is so helpful and I appreciate it so much. You all are my hero's.

I'm going to post this now, after weeks of holding on to it for fear of rejection. And if the formatting looks wonky; blame fanfiction.(net).

**Please give feedback, cause I'm needy; and I'm ok with that!**


	5. Holding Someones Hair Back

Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize, cause let's face it; I'm not creative at all.  
This chapter is rated **T **(For Teen, I guess) for **drug use** and **mentions of m/m sex**. But don't worry, it's not like last time.

"Down Towards the Healing"  
Chapter 5 "Holding Someone's Hair Back"

By SRC

_Don't say a word, don't be grateful if I ever made you laugh.  
Let's make believe what's at stake here's more than just your reputation._

Jeff opened his eyes and glanced around. Rob wasn't in bed, but he heard the water running from the bathroom. Jeff glanced around and saw a pair of San Francisco 49er's sweat pants that were thrown into a ball in the corner of the room. He pulled them on as he walked towards the bathroom door that was mostly closed.

He knocked lightly on the door before entering the sunny yellow bathroom.

Rob was standing naked in front of the sink washing his face. When he looked up at the mirror and saw Jeff standing there, he looked back down and roughly rubbed his eyes, but it was plain as day that Rob was upset.

"You ok, man?"

Rob looked anywhere but at Jeff, "I'm fine. What'd you think was wrong?"

Jeff put the seat on the toilet down and sat Indian style on it, "You just weren't there when I woke up and you look kind of upset now." He glanced at Rob through the mirror and gave a shaky laugh, "I always knew I'd make a kick ass detective, now all I need is a cool name like 'Smitty'"

Rob rolled his red-rimmed eyes and leaned against the sink with his arms folded across his chest, "Why would I be upset? It's not like I just cheated on my wife, or got so belligerently stoned and fucked a dude." Rob sighed and rubbed a hand across his morning stubble.

"Robbie, I just want you to know-"

"Ya know Jeff, I really don't want advice from someone who's never had a meaningful, honest relationship in their life." Rob interrupted.

Jeff dropped his eyes to his lap, and fiddled with the thick ring on his middle finger. His long hair curtained around his face, hiding a confused and hurt expression.

Rob laughed cruelly and wiped at his glassy eyes, "Oh don't act wounded, Jeff. Someone had to tell you about it sooner or later. Face the music. You haven't let anyone in close in a long ass time. You don't try, people have to approach you and when they finally do get close, you push them away. I mean, I haven't even talked to you for a year, until last week! And when you can't push them any further, you run away after a few years. You've been back for a couple months now and I bet you haven't even put yourself out there. And Michael doesn't count. Have you even made one new friend? Or do you alternate from coloring your hair, to calling your own personal savior, Matt, to getting lit, and then doing the show. That's a pretty sad cycle, my friend.

"You can blame it on the drugs and you can call yourself an artist. But really you just love the misery. Maybe you feel you deserve it somehow, I don't know why… But, you have more issues than I do so I really, really, really don't want to hear your insight on this right now." And Rob pulled on a pair of black jersey shorts and faded red t shirt, "I'm going to stretch and work out." And he turned and left.

Jeff sat still as Rob transformed from the carefree goofball into a cynical man who, as much as Jeff didn't want to admit it, was telling the truth. He sat there ten minutes after he had left.

He finally unclenched his fists and looked up and into the mirror that was directly ahead of him but quickly looked away. He felt like a caged animal, and when animals felt backed into a corner, they had a tendency to lash out. And the first thing the Jeff saw was his own reflection and without even thinking his fist connecting with the mirror, sending an explosion of glass everywhere down his arm to collect on the marble countertop.

_He's got the motive but no transportation.  
Purely courteous across my chest.  
Are you cutting me out now, after crawling inside?_

Without blinking Jeff walked back into the bedroom and glanced around until he spotted a cell phone, probably Rob's, and picked it up and dialed from memory.

Four rings and it went to voice-mail.

"_Hey. It's M.K. Leave one after the-" Beeeeep!_

"Hey Maria, it's Jeff. Just giving you a call. Cause you asked me to, remember? Um. You can call me back at this number within the next few hours, but I may be on the road by then, and if so I guess I'll see you around some time." He went to shut the phone and end the call, but he hesitated. "Hope your meeting went ok. Yeah, bye."

He looked at the phone in his hand, and saw the blood trickling running down his arm and pooling in his hand. He looked back around the room and his skin rushed with chills.

He was sitting in Rob's room, using Rob's phone in Rob's sweatpants. Rob was still inside him, for fucks sake. He placed the phone back on the table and re-traced his way into the master bathroom. Without thinking, he turned on the tap in the glass shower to as hot as it would go.

He pulled off Rob's sweats and ducked under scalding water, just standing under it until his back was numbed and his fingers were shriveled. The blood was completely rinsed away just leaving angry red marks that would most likely scar. He grabbed the bar of Dial that was sitting on the ledge and along with a wash cloth he went to work, scrubbing at every inch of his body and then grabbed whatever shampoo was there and used that too.

When he emerged, his skin was flushed pink from the heat and the cleaning. He quickly dried himself off and changed into the only spare clothes he had bothered to bring with him; an old New Kids on the Block t shirt and a threadworm pair of jeans that where on the verge of literally disintegrating off of his body.

He pulled his damp hair out of his face with a low ponytail and walked around the room, gathering up discarded articles of clothing and shoving them into his backpack.

He walked out of the room and practically flew down the stairs, trying not to notice the sheet of abandoned LSD and trying to push down the feeling of Rob's ghost lips on his neck.

_He's married, Hardy! It was a mistake. Now go pour yourself some orange juice and face him like a man!_

After he opened the fridge and grabbed the juice and he saw a dime bag pushed towards the back of the fridge. Only Rob would keep his weed next to the salad.

He easily found the bong in the pantry next to a box of pasta and started to pack while watching the man in question out of the window.

Rob was doing some sort of meditating-stretch thing that looked entirely to slow and painful for Jeff to even process. Meanwhile, he took a deep inhale off of the pipe, and chased it down with a bite out of a strawberry pop-tart; the only that could be passed as junk food in Rob's pantry, since they had eaten all the crap Jeff had brought over last night.

_And that's what separates a good wrestler from a crappy one, Jeff. _ He thought while taking a swig from the carton of OJ.

Watching Rob work out was truly an incredible experience. Jeff never could believe how graceful the man actually was, not to mention how flexible. Each motion was individually enhanced and concentrated on so that Jeff could actually see each pull and strain of every muscle lug against the others and it all came into an intricate cotillion right before his eyes.

Jeff wasn't even really mad at Rob. Most of what he said was true, after all. But who likes all there faults told to their face before they've had breakfast? And last night was… nice. It was fun to hang out with someone and as queer as it sounded, even to him, it was nice to fall asleep with someone next to him.

Rob was just so… normal, at least before the accident. He liked to hang out and drink a beer, he liked going for runs (which Jeff couldn't tell if that was normal or not). He complained about his wife doing wifely things, but always bought her flowers on the important holiday and a few just because days. He did stupid shit like fell asleep drunk on the beach and woke with the worst sunburn ever and then could laugh about it next week. Pretty much your average, happy guy.

But Jeff, he was like a volcano of crazy, getting ready to spew crazy everywhere. And the craziness would shift the foundation and shake everything off kilter.

As he finished what was in the bong, he saw Rob dump a water bottle over his head and head to the screen door next to the kitchen. Jeff manned his ground at the table and took another healthy swig out of the OJ carton as Rob slammed shut the door. He took out a chair and turned it around to straddle it. Then they stared at each other for five minutes, neither man looking away, Jeff's green eye's narrowed while Rob's widened innocently.

"So how mad are you? I ask this _after_ you smoked most of my expensive pot."

"Depends- when are you going to apologize for acting like an asshole."

Rob reached over and grabbed the carton of juice and then narrowed his eyes. He got up and retrieved two glasses and returned to the table. "Use cups, you barbarian."

"We swapped countless body fluids last night and you're worried about me drinking out of the carton?"

"Touché."

"…" Jeff stared ahead.

"Are you really not going to talk to me? Just look out the window while I work out with the sun glistening on my muscles as they flex and sweat rolls down –"

"I get it, you love your body."

"But you love it too, right?"

Jeff had to crack a smile, "But it's your modesty everyone falls for."

Rob got up and pulled Jeff out of the kitchen chair and wrapped him in a big bear hug, "Jeffro, I'm so sorry."

Jeff thought he would feel better, but his stomach was settling lower into his abdomen, and he really just wanted to get away.

As he thought about pushing off the stronger man, he heard a faint ring from upstairs.

It was the perfect opportunity and he shook off Rob and started to sprint towards the steps, "I borrowed your phone, hope you don't mind!" he called over his shoulder.

And as Jeff ran up the steps, Rob sat in the younger man's vacated chair and let his smile slip away as he scrubbed his hand over his face and eyes.

A few minutes later, Jeff came galloping down the steps jumping from the middle landing to the wood floor. "So, a frie- someone wanted to know if I wanted to get breakfast with them since I'm in town and I said that I'd meet her in 20 minutes."

"Jeff – I really think we should talk abo-"

Jeff pulled on his hoody and grabbed his keys that were lying on the counter. Without making eye contact with the man at the table, he started to back out towards the front door, "I'll be back later, she just wants to grab some breakfast or lunch…" He opened the door and hollered in, "Robbie, I'll be back soon." And he shut the door and practically ran to his truck.

Rob sat at the table resting his head in his hands, "She?"

_What do I deserve, what do I deserve instead?  
It's a surprise you haven't caught on yet.  
It's nothing personal, you're an embarrassment.  
Don't cut me out._

* * *

AN 2: Hey all. Sorry about the lack of updates in so long. My laptop broke over my Christmas break, and when it finally was fixed again, I had class to deal with and I'm kind of anal about my grades and class and stuff.

So, with the influx of Jeff/Maria fics, I kind of got thrown off my game. I kept reading them and they were all great, but I began to doubt this fic and the direction I was taking it. So now I'm just struggling to get a foot-hold in the foundation of this story again. I'm trying not to let go of the premise of this story but it's really hard.

The song for this chapter is "Holding Someones Hair Back" by Circa Survive.

I want to thank: _Flowers-n-ginger, Regrettableriot, Carlito'sCandy, Bittersweetsaturn, and Buffvamp_ for reviewing to the last chapter. It really means so much to be, cause I really feel like I put myself out there with that scene.

And yes, it's going to be **All Jeff and Maria **conversations next couple chapters, I pinky swear!

A special thanks to _Shannygoat_, one of my favorite authors who is such a badass with a heart of gold! All of her stories are so amazing, I aspire to have even a fraction of the talent that she has. You have given me so much support that I can't even put it into words how much it has helped me... I know that I'm so behind on reading your stories, but as soon as spring break hits you can bet that you'll have an onslaught of reviews from your's truly. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

The next chapter is almost done, just needs some fine tuning, so look for it soon.

Thanks again everyone! And don't forget to leave feedback; Cause I'm **needy **and I'm ok with it.


	6. Beautiful World

Down Towards the Healing  
Chapter 6: "Beautiful World"

"_My, my, my, it's a beautiful world_  
_I tried talking to Jesus, but he just put me on hold.  
Said he'd been swamped by calls this week  
And he couldn't shake this cold."_

Jeff parked his car in a half vacant lot that cost him 20 bucks to park adjacent to a nearly empty beach. He was already ten minutes late in meeting Maria, but damn! He could have sworn the cobalt blue tide was calling his name and pulsing in and out in perfect time with his heart. Before he knew it he was standing with the cuffs of his jeans rolled up to his knees and his bare toes digging into white sand and staring at the sea as if it had all of the answers to the questions his brain could possibly come up with.

He walked forward until he reached the edge of the shore where the green sea licked the sand and sat down on his back, enjoying the gentle annoyance of the grains along his body. Every now and then he felt the light tide lick at his feet and bare legs and creep up to soak his jeans. He breathed in deep and let the salt air sting his nose. He was listening to the sea gulls scream and whine and he could imagine them chasing each other in the sky; playing tag like he and Matt used to do back home in their backyard.

_A dirty blond 12-year old Jeff was running for his life as a raven haired, more solidly built 15- year old Matt pursued him like a wolf after prey. The other kids weren't even trying to get away from Matt, now. They knew he had set his sights on his younger brother, so why waste the energy? _

_Jeff pumped his bony arms and his legs as fast as they would. He raced around the front of the yard and down the winding asphalt driveway. As he reached the beginning of the road, he felt Matt effortlessly run at his heels. Soon, he felt his brother reach out and push against his back between his shoulder blades._

_Before he knew it, his heels where out from under him and he skidded across the concrete like a flat rock skipped on still water._

_After a minute he pushed himself up using his knuckles to roll himself over in a sitting position. He was shaking uncontrollably as he stared wide eyed at his brother who was leaning over his knees breathing heavily a few yards away, keeping eye contact with his the kid on the ground._

_Jeff eyes didn't start watering until the wind blew lightly and his chin and left cheek stung like salt in a paper cut. _

"_Jeff don't you dare cry!" Matt ordered him._

_Jeff clenched his fists and immediately regretted that decision. He winced and looked down at his hands. They reminded him of the hamburger meat that his dad mashed into patties before putting them on the grill, bloody and shredded. _

_Matt told him not to cry so he held his breath for what had to be five minutes until he heard a set of pounding steps coming from behind him. _

"_Dude! Your face looks like Freddy Krueger's!" Shannon exclaimed._

_Meanwhile Jeff never took his eyes off of Matt's who had made his way over to assess the damage._

"_Jeffrey! Quit looking like your gonna die; now getup." He hauled the younger kid to his feet by his upper forearm, a part of that wasn't bleeding and decorated in gravel, and wrapped an arm around his waist guiding him toward the house. _

_When they reached the upstairs bathroom Matt sat Jeff on the toilet, wet an old rag and gave it to Jeff who just held it._

"_Dude, wipe your face, you klutz."_

_That woke Jeff up, "Klutz? Matty, you pushed me hard! You wanted me to fall!" He screamed tears running down his face._

"_Don't be stupid. And don't blame me for you being an idiot." He said while grabbing a towel and de-crusting the knees of his sobbing brother. _

"_Matt, that's not true – you always go after me! And I'm not even the worst at sports! I'm faster then Shannon, but you always go after me. And I'm better as basketball then Shane, but you always pick him to be on your team even though he shoots foul shots granny style! You wanted to hurt me!"_

"_Shut up or you'll wake Dad!" He rinsed the rag and started on his brother's face. "Jeff, you're the one who always insists on playing with us. You could just leave me alone. You choose this."_

_Jeff bit his lip and angrily wiped his face._

_And then the door to the bathroom was pushed open, "Dad! I can explain…" Matt jumped up and dropped the bloody cloth in his hand._

_Mr. Hardy looked alarmed as he stood in the doorway, bloody towels laying on the sink counter and Matt holding another one. Then he saw the wreckage of his youngest face and rushed over to kneel in front of the boy examining him more closely, before exhaling a deeply held breath._

_Turning to less bloody kid, he growled deeply, "Matthew, what happened."_

"_Dad, it was an accident, I was just –"_

"_Daddy, I was just trying to prove that I was better then Matt as sports, so I climbed the basketball hoop and jumped off of it to prove it. They said I couldn't do it. Proved them wrong, right Matt?" He glanced from Matt to his Dad. "Matt tried to stop me, but by the time I realized that he was right, my face had already been formally introduced to the driveway. I'm an idiot, right Matty?"_

_Matt looked puzzled at Jeff over his fathers shoulder, "Yeah, Jeff sure showed them."_

"_Shoot Jeff! We talked about this, damn!" He put his hand on the side of Jeff's uninjured face. "Come on, Jeff. We need to go to the hospital. That face doesn't look good, and the gravel looks really deep in there." _

"_Matt, see if Shelly will let you eat dinner with Shane, for me?" He looked at his eldest, "and don't think that this conversation is over."_

_He led Jeff out of the room with his hand on his shoulder. Jeff turned to look over his shoulder at his brother. He was shocked to see him with a surprised smirk on his face, and a look Jeff didn't recognize; respect._

He was still dozing off when soon, the squawk of the birds transformed into sounding like his name.

_Isn't it funny how if you here a word enough times, it can sound like something else completely?_

"Caw… Caw… Jeff... Jeff!"

"Jeff!"

He opened his eyes and lifted his neck as he squinted into the sun. A hundred feet off on the edge of the board walk, he could make out the silhouette of Maria's slight form waving at him. Instead of getting up he laid his head back down and waited for her to join him.

The next time he opened his eyes, Maria was looking down at him with an annoyed look on her face.

"What are you doing? I was calling you and calling you!" She huffed and ran a hand through her hair. "I hate sand."

Jeff sat up and shook off the back of his shirt and head the best he could. "Mornin' Sunshine", he said with a grin.

Maria rolled her eyes, "Fine, I'll bite. Good morning, Jeffrey."

"Why do you hate sand? I would have thought you would have loved the beach, what with your pre-skin cancer tan you're sportin' there."

"Oh, a skin cancer joke, I haven't heard one of those before, did you stay up all night thinking of it?" Maria suddenly smiled, "Oh, banter with you is fun. Anyway, sand sucks because it gets everywhere. Seriously, all I did was step on the beach to drag your ass out of it, and I'll probably be rinsing it out of places I didn't even know I had for about a month."

"Ok, so no Cancun beach trip for our spring break: Check." Jeff paused, "And likewise, I mean with the banter thing."

Maria gave a small smile before pointing an accusatory finger down at Jeff, "And you did not make fun of my skin tone! Ask me how I found you. Ask me!"

"What, the purple hair didn't do it for ya?"

"Well there's that… But mostly it's because I thought I saw a ghost… with purple hair."

Jeff laughed out loud and turned his head so his cheek rested on warm sand. "Yeah, I can blind people in the right light."

"Come on", Maria extended her hand, "Let's get some breakfast or something."

Jeff rolled himself up and clasped the outstretched, manicure hand and was pulled up by a surprisingly strong pull. When he was standing he pulled back his hand from hers, but was met with resistance. He looked at the girl and Maria was staring at his hand.

"We could skip merrily hand in hand to breakfast if you want, but somehow I don't think you would keep up; I'm a master skipper."

"What happened to your hand, Jeff?"

"Oh that", he had honestly forgotten about whole first half of the morning. He thought about the yellow bathroom now littered with broken mirror. "Cut my hand on glass this mornin'".

They started walking toward the boardwalk and towards the strip of stores. "So you're here with your Boy?" He asked with his head pointed toward the ground.

He glanced over to catch Maria smiling shyly to herself.

"We just laid on the couch and watched movies all weekend. We ate pancakes in bed and bought tons of junk food and it was just a blast." She sighed and started to climb the wooden steps off of the sand. "I never realized how much work the whole "some measured amount" distance relationships were so hard until these past 6 months or so."

Jeff gave a small smile as he dropped his shoes on the ground and ground his feet into them before bending over and lacing them up.

"Relationships, no matter what the distance, are hard. Phil's a good guy; you'll make it work."

"The best guy" she said as she batted her eyelashes.

They walked for a few minutes until they were in front of the familiar green awning of a Starbucks.

Maria stared longingly into the window at the bar.

"So, the puppy dog eye's are saying that, what? You like coffee?"

Maria turned from the glass to Jeff's green eyes, "Um, only with my oxygen".

Jeff lost it. "Well how do I deny that answer?" He opened the door and waited for Maria to enter before he stepped inside after her.

Maria placed her hand on Jeff's shoulder and leaned her forehead on it, "Bless you." and she turned toward the cashier to place her order. "I'll have a Venti skim latte, no foam, double pump sugar free vanilla with two extra shots of espresso." She turned to Jeff, "What do you want?"

Jeff stared at the menu and blinked, "Uh…"

"Jeff you're holding up my coffee-ing, what do you usually drink?"

"Umm…"

"Jeff, if I don't get caffeine within the next 2 minutes, I'm going to go through withdrawal symptoms. For real. Order."

Jeff looked down from the menu and gave an apologetic smile to the cashier who had an overly happy look on her face. "Um, I guess I'll have a large green tea."

"OK sir! We have five green teas for you; China greentips, Envy, Green ginger, Om, Zen, and Lotus! Which one would you like today?"

"Um. I don't care, anyone is fine." He watched Maria's amusement grow out of the corner of his eye.

"And how many tea bags would you like today?"

"What? You mean I can have more then one?"

The girl behind the counter giggled behind her hand, "Of course, sir!"

"Um, how many is normal? Two, does two sound good? Is that ok?"

Maria cut in, "Yeah, ok." She glared at the girl and Jeff before running a hand through her hair, "Here's what he wants, give him a venti green ginger tea with three tea bags and a cup of ice on the side." She turned to Jeff and then turned back to the register, "And the biggest slice of the cake with the cranberries and white chocolate pieces."

"Ok, the total is $11.82!"

Jeff took out a rolled up twenty from inside his jeans and handed it to her and took back his change.

Maria elbowed him, "you have to tip them." She looked up at him and pointed to the jar.

"For makin' coffee?"

"Yeah, all you got is tea, so really you could have gotten a way with just tossing in a buck, but I ordered a latte and you…" Maria laughed, "You just looked like an idiot ordering so you should give em' a five spot."

Jeff shrugged and tucked the five dollar bill into the jar.

"Plus, I think they knew we're on TV. "Famous" people are supposed to tip well… for everything. How do you not know this stuff?"

They gather there drinks and food and made there way to an empty table by the window.

"I don't like to drink corporate coffee. Or coffee, really."

"Jeff how are we supposed to be friends if you're against everything I stand for? Cell phones, Starbucks, what next, kittens?"

"I am more of a dog person" he said laughing, "What's with the cup of ice that you ordered?"

"Cause the water for the tea is hotter then lava and you're going to burn your tongue."

Jeff thought about his personal reference of him being a volcano of crazy and just nodded and blew on his uncapped drink while Maria took a healthy sip of hers. The moments passed by as Jeff watched the waves roar in and thunder out on the beach in the offing.

"So, what are _you_ doing in good ole' California?" And she took a huge forkful of the cake that was between the two of them.

"Just visitin' an old friend. It's so nice to be in warm weather when it's supposed to be cold."

"Cool" Maria nodded up and down while taking another fork full of cake.

And the lighthearted conversation continued on easily for the next few minutes while the two enjoyed their liquid meals.

Maria suddenly interrupted Jeff when he was talking about story with him and his brother, "Hey. You know what? This is the first time I have never seen you without a cigarette. Are you quitting?"

"Well, in order to give something up like that up, you kind of have to be addicted. And I don't think you're allowed to smoke in California anymore. Yeah, the whole state banned it." He turned to look out the window, "I don't really get addicted to things, anyway."

"Sign one of an addict". Maria looked doubtful, "So what everyone said, about your… uh… extended leave of absence? That wasn't true?"

Jeff shifted uncomfortable in his seat, "Well. I guess I won't lie to you. I was doing drugs… do drugs, really. But I don't really think it's an addiction, but more of a way to get me out of shit. So I missed a bunch of practices and skipped a bunch of house shows, but not because I was strung out at home on the couch or something… I don't know. I guess I was sick of this job. I was sick of traveling and missing my friends and my home. And I think I kind of know that this life isn't really for me."

Maria sipped her latte and gave him a measured stare, "So you use drugs as what, a defense mechanism? That's really messed up and stupid."

"Well yeah, I'm pretty fucked up and stupid."

"Stop that. So why'd you come back?"

"The same thing happened with TNA after the band fell apart and Matty wanted me to come back, so I did."

"You came back for your brother? Jeff, I have a brother, and I got to say, I wouldn't even give him a ride when we went to the same high school."

"That's one of the reasons. And it's not like I was doing anything else anyway."

"That's great, Jeff." She gave him a serious look with bug shiny eyes, "Please don't do drugs anymore, at least for that reason. You start feeling like that again and come talk to me, ok? I'll remind you why you have everything goin' for ya."

"I guess I could do that. But if we're bein' honest, I smoked a bowl before I came here." Jeff answered with a guilty grin.

"Jeff! How are you going to pass your Wellness Test?"

"Green tea, cranberry juice and a couple gallons of water. You act like you've never cheated a piss test before."

"That's cause I haven't. "

"Wait, you've never toked up?"

Maria shook her head no. "So is it true, that it's a gateway drug?"

Jeff laughed, "No, that's something Dare officers say to 5th graders." He started to chuckle again, "I was in 9th grade when me and my friends got stoned for the first time. It was during lunch. And that same day we got caught by the principle and were all sent to some ridiculous amount of detention. We were put in solitary confinement and couldn't speak to each other or anyone really. It was hell!" He smiled to himself and took a sip of the cooled tea. "So that's how it went for 10 weeks. And the whole time I went to that school I was labeled a stoner by the faculty and the students, so I made the best of a bad situation and smoked up everyday until I was out of there."

"You're a visionary." Maria said dryly and Jeff just started to crack up at the memory.

Maria looked at the watch on her wrist and sighed. "I should get going, it's kind of a hike back to where I'm staying and I have to pack and get ready for dinner tonight. Phil is taking me to a place called "White Horses" and I googled it to see how expensive it was and yeah, I'm gonna have to put out tonight."

Jeff laughed before replying, "I can give you a ride. I don't mind at all."

"Really? Cause I'm not the kind of girl who turns down a free ride. I grew up in Chicago, after all."

Jeff held the door open and followed her out onto the boardwalk. Jeff deeply inhaled the salty air again and picked up pace next to Maria's quick steps.

"So, you've never smoked pot. Please tell me you're not straight edge too? Like you've at least drank before, or popped speed before an exam, or had a glass of white wine with dessert?"

"Nope to the pill popping, but yeah, I've drank before. I mean, I'm 24 years old, of course I have, but out of respect for my guy, I don't now. I'm proud of him for not going with convention and having morals." She shivered as the cold air blew off of the waves, "But do I miss having a glass of merlot before going to bed, hell yeah I do."

Jeff unzipped his black hoody and handed it over to her, "Ya know, I saw you in the TV show. 'Outback Jack'. You seem really different in real life".

Maria shrugged on the sweatshirt, zipping it up to her chin, "I don't like to talk about it". She said in a clipped tone.

After a few moment of silence, "Jeff, that is the ugliest shirt I have ever seen and I can't believe you would even wear it in public, much less listen to it in the privacy of your own room."

Jeff looked down and laughed. "Everyone like New Kids on the Block and no one is ever man enough to admit it. Besides, I like how nearly all there song titles end in the word 'Girl' when clearly they were all screwing each other up the ass."

When they got to the parking lot, Jeff went to the passenger door and unlocked it, holding it open for Maria to climb in. She just stood there staring.

"You still want the ride, right?" He saw Maria nod, "Then get in." Maria mutely climbed in, he shut the door and climbed into the driver side and started the ignition.

"Jeff this truck is a death trap and you actually _escorted_ me into it." She snapped the seat belt in, "And I actually got in."

"Awe, she' ain't so bad." He said, backing her out of the spot and driving out on the main boulevard.

"I'm adding this to the reasons why we shouldn't be friends." She made sure Jeff smiled as she said that and relaxed when he did.

"I mean, Jeff, I know for a fact you have to make decent money. I know that I'm not strapped for cash and I only get a Diva's salary. Why don't you buy a nice new sports car or something? Then again, you don't seem like the sports car kind of guy, so buy an old Mustang! I could totally help you fix it up! My dad taught me everything to know about cars. Hell, if you like trucks buy a new F1-50! You can haul major ass in that truck, for sure!"

Jeff laughed, "I love this truck. I bought her when I was 17 and it was all I could afford. She's still goin' strong; I change her oil and keep'er tuned up. Besides, Matt would have a coronary if I got rid of her. He's more attached to this thing then he his to me. I have no idea why…"

"But…"

"I give most of my pay check to my Dad, so he can retire at an early age and not worry about anything. I have legal fee's and hospital bills that take care of the rest. Honestly, a new car is the last thing I would every think about getting."

Maria sulked, "But even your upholstery is ready to be retired; look it's torn at nearly 50 percent of the seams." She brushed the interior and inhaled more then a decade of Jeff Hardy. It smelled like stale cigarettes, a forest, and …a something unique to the man in question. She smiled a little to herself, "I like the bench seat, though. Very classic. Bucket seats are so impersonal, ya know?"

"Yeah, me too. So where'm I goin'?"

Jeff pulled up to five star hotel, cut the ignition and turned to Maria. "Well, I guess this is goodbye." His eyes were clear and round and honest.

"Yeah, thanks for the ride and the coffee… And the phone call. I had a good time hanging out. I need more friends."

"I should be thanking you, for helping me kill my morning. And if anyone needs friends, well, it'd be me."

He watched Maria unbuckle herself and scoot closer to Jeff and wrap her arms around his neck. "I'm stealing this pack of cigarettes, since you _know_, you're not addicted." And she scooted out of the truck and walked through the glass sliding doors, before turning around and giving a final wave.

Jeff sat in his the truck watching the beautiful girl disappear from sight. After a few minutes, he set his head on the wheel, took a deep breath, looked up and started the engine and led his truck back towards Rob's suburban neighborhood.

Maria slid her card key into the lock and waited for the light to turn green before entering the suite she was sharing with Phil.

He was sprawled in a sea of golden sheets, and flipping through the channels on the TV. Maria threw down her bag, kicked off her shoes and then ran and jumped on the bed right next to the dark haired, tattooed man.

"Hey Babe, watcha watchin'.

Phil muted the TV and turned to give Maria a quick kiss, before lifting up the covers to allow her to burrow under with him. "Now I'm watching you" and his lips went to her neck as she turned to allow him better access, smiling into her shoulder. His hand working his way to her stomach fighting between the layers of sweatshirt, tee shirt and tank top.

Things were unfolding very fast when suddenly he pulled away.

"Hey! Why'd you stop?" She cried, opening her eyes and looking at him.

"Where you with another guy?" he asked blankly.

Maria turned so she laid directly on top of him, there stomachs sandwiched together. She tangled her fingers in his hair, before replying, "Well, yeah. I told you I went out with a friend for breakfast."

"You didn't say it was a guy though, I thought it was, I don't know Ashley or someone! Who was it, MK?"

Maria rolled her eyes and rolled off of him, so that she was next to him and had her head resting on his broad shoulder.

"I just got coffee with Jeff Hardy. Nothing to write home out about." And Maria felt the tension leave Phil's shoulders. "Hey! How come you were so worried and then when I said it was Jeff, it's all good now?"

"Babe, Jeff is as bent as a twig" He gave a throaty laugh.

"What."

"Yeah, he has to be."

"He can't be gay, I refuse to believe it." She said trying to think about their previous meetings and trying to figure out if he'd done anything that had sent red flags up and she couldn't think of a single occasion.

She bit her lip, "Well, he does like New Kids on the Block". She turned back to Phil, "Really?"

Phil smiled and returned to kissing her neck and unzipping her jeans, "Mmhhmm." He got the jeans off and lifted his head to get to work on her shirt, "But I'm not, so let's not talk about Jeff Hardy's sexual preference right now."

"_And still this emptiness persists  
Perhaps this is as good as it gets  
When you've given up the drink and those nasty cigarettes  
Now I leave the party early at least with no regrets  
I watch the sun as it comes up I watch it as it sets  
Yeah this is as good as it gets"  
_

* * *

_Hey all,_

_The feedback you all are giving me has left me speechless and completely breathless. Thank you so so so much for the kind words. You cannot imagine how much it means to me. _

_ Nothing really to explain about this chapter, I really feel like you guys are getting me, and that is amazing, cause I don't even get me. _

_ Colin Hay wrote the song in this chapter and it's absolutely a beautiful song. Everyone should check it out._

_ Also, I really don't own anything you recognize here._

_The summary of this story includes quotes from a song by Defiance, Ohio called "I don't want Solidarity if it mean holding your hand". I really like this band, because they are old school DIY and they do everything they do because they believe in something. It's truly awe-inspiring. They just give away there music for free, because it's all about the message to them._

_Also, I thought I'd keep Maria with Phil, because he doesn't seem like a bad guy, even though I personally don't like him. I keep getting the feeling like he's going to preach his straight-edge-ness to me. And clearly, I'm pro- "do whatever the hell you want to your body, cause it's yours" and there isn't much in this world that you have control over, so why not your body?  
_

_ Also, nothing is written for the next part, and I go into Finals hibernation in like 28 minutes. Wish me luck, cause I'll need it! _

_ So anyway, no chapter for a while, mostly because of finals, but also because nothing else it written for this. Also, I want to clean it up and fix errors that I feel are completely affecting the message of this story (whatever it may be). I'm also going to try and speed it up a little. I always fall into a death trap with stories because I take things so slowly! I think it's because my life is a whirlwind these days and I would kill to be able to slow it down, so it comes out in my writing. But I don't want to sacrifice my love for description... Augh! I'm so torn. However, this story is moving the fastest anything I have ever written, actually!_

_ And another thing. I've never actually written a 6th chapter for **anything!** Seriously, look at my profile. I always stop at 5 chapter or less. And you all are accredited to this phenomenon.  
_

_ Hope all you Jeff/Maria fans are sated for now. I know it's not quite what everyone wants, but it wouldn't be me if I just let them jump into bed together. Things are way more complicated then that, right?_

_**You all rock my world, for serious. Leave more feedback, cause I'm needy!**  
_

_"I had no idea what I was after, I'm just preparing for a disaster!" - Defiance, Ohio  
_


	7. Your Gravest Words

Down Towards the Healing

Chapter 7: "Your Gravest Words"

AN: Two and a half years later... yeah, I'd say an update is in order. Thanks for the continued support from ya'll. It completely amazes me that even though I haven't wrote anything new in over two years, that I still sporadically get a review. You all are so amazing.

Just a few quick things… I rarely actually _watch_ wrestling anymore. So, new storylines are lost on me. Along these lines, it should be noted that I am not following the same time line as I was before; too much time has lapsed, ya know? I'm just going to write what my heart tells me to, so to speak.

I'm also thinking about ditching the songs that bookend the chapters. I always write with music in mind and it will most likely still be my inspiration for the tone of my writing, but, re-reading my story thus far, I understand that it may not make much sense to the reader. So, let me know if you want to keep the songs or not. I'd really appreciate your opinion.

+/-

"_I'm finally coming close to ghost. _

_I'm dancing on your gravest words. _

_I'm toasting all the coldest stares. _

_All the loneliest of eyes."_

_..Shit._

Jeff Hardy was on the medical table that was set up in closest locker room of the arena. The paper liner that was rolled on top of the bed was adhering to his bare back like when warmed summer skin melds to the expensive leather of a luxury car. Jeff squeezed his eyes shut and brought both hands up to fist and pull at the sweaty, rainbow-dyed hair at the crown of his head.

_..Shit._

As soon as he had finished the match and the ref let go of his hand signaling his victory, he lurched up the ramp and a medical team frantically ushered him into the designated medical room. For ten minutes he had been poked and prodded; ad-hoc x-rays were done to his neck, clavicle and the cervical and thoracic columns.

_..Shit._

The doctors and miscellaneous medical staff on call had kept up a steady chatter with the young man, but Jeff had only caught a handful of phrases that broke through his own stream of thoughts ("..").

"… Nothing broken…" and "slight swelling of his C1 and C7 discs..." and "Rest with alternating heat and ice."

These phrases swam in and out of his head like fish in a tank.

"… I can write you a prescription for mild dose of Darvocet and Acetaminophen…" Well. Ok, _that_ got his attention. But, for the most part, they were efficient in and out in ten minutes and left him with his thoughts and a plastic collar around his neck.

He was having trouble lacing his thoughts together. The match had been going well, for the most part. He really liked Ken. The man was diligent and a perfectionist. Practicing with him was textbook – he knew what he was doing and wasn't afraid to tell Jeff what he was doing wrong. By the end of the week, Jeff could practically waltz this match in his sleep, that is how much the two men practiced. The moves were routine. Nothing he doesn't do from week to week. And beyond that, he knows the risks of his own moves; it was just… irrational that he was this shaken up over a botched move.

He sat up when he heard the door click back open. The paper that was adhered to his back was peeled away like a band-aid. His head swam with the change of altitude from latitudinal to longitudinal, but he caught a flash of cropped blonde hair and gold skin all wrapped up in a green Packers hoody.

Ken just stood near the door, watching with patient with intense blue eyes. His hair was still wet from his shower and Jeff could smell the sharp, calming smell of his Old-Spice body wash. He recognized his because it was the same smell his Dad wore. And consequently, the same cologne his brother had worn since he was 14.

+/-

_Jeff was sitting on the white marble counter of the bathroom he shared with both his father and brother. He was to the left of the sink with his back resting against the cool, toothpaste spattered mirror and his legs dangled over the side and banged softly against the cabinet below the counter. He was watching with intense interest as Matt made careful passes with a navy blue, plastic safety razor from under his chin and up towards his face, clearing the thin layer of shaving cream._

"_Ya know, you're concentratin' awful hard for five hair on your chin." Jeff smartly said._

_Matt didn't say anything until he completed the left side of his chin and neck. "I'm gonna let that one pass, cause I know your just jealous, is all." He allowed his eyes to glance over to the little boy who was studying him._

"_Whatever" Jeff mumbled out still studying the careful precision that his brother used the razor and swung his legs a little harder._

"_What are you even doing here? Don't you have friends, Jeffy? You know Pops' isn't going to let you come out with me, even if I said it was ok'… which it isn't!"_

"_I know I ain't goin' with ya, Matthew!" He clanked his feet for a few moments before, "The other kids only hang out with me if you're there, anyways. So Dads bringing over one of his friends… Mr. Jake, to watch me, I guess."_

_Matt's eyes narrowed as he swiped the last of the shaving cream off of his cheek, promptly creating a small knick that immediately began t ooze blood. "Arg! Jeff!" he turned towards his brother and grabbed his brothers smaller legs by the calves and squeezed until the kid yelped in pain. "Stop banging! Sit still! What is your problem?!"_

_Jeff immediately halted his legs before reaching down and massaging the bruised area that Matt had just grabbed. He looked up through his sandy lashes and saw that Matt had place a small piece of toilet paper to the blooming cut to quell the blood. _

"_Sorry, Matty. You know I can't help it! I have attention defishi- defica- defic-"_

"_Deficit, Jeff." The older boy sighed, "Yeah, I know. Let's not talk about it, kid." He carefully unscrewed the cap of the familiar white bottle of cologne and applied it a bit heavy handedly. _

_Jeff jumped off the counter and went to lean against the wall so he could watch Matts reflection in the mirror. "Please don't go tonight, Matty… wait until Dad is home, or… when Shan will let me hang out over there! "_

_Matt was now meticulously buttoning up a crisp white oxford shirt and rolling up the sleeves to his elbows. When he was finished he caught the younger kids eyes through the glass and sighed. _

"_Sorry, kid. Maybe we'll do something tomorrow after whatever Dad has us do, ok?"_

_Matt didn't catch Jeff grimace and start chewing on his bottom lip until it bled. "Alright. Hey Matty? You look real nice… you smell good, too. Like Daddy."_

_Matt tucked his shirt into a pair of old but, relatively neat jeans and refastened the plain, black leather belt. He reached over to the sink and grabbed the bottle of cologne and then turned toward the boy leaning against the wallpapered wall. _

"_Put some on, kid." And winked at him before turning back to his own reflection. "We Hardy men must smell good". _

_Jeff just smiled back at the older boy through the mirror, but wait to unscrew the lid of the cologne until Matt had vacated the bathroom to ask his Dad for the keys to the old Geo hatchback whose purpose was mostly just to sit in the gravel driveway collecting dust. _

_Jeff clumsily unscrewed the bottle and inhaled deeply, reverently at the mouth of the bottle. He stuck one finger over the opening sealing it and then inverted and righted it back lightly coating the finger with the cold liquid and then rubbed it along his collar bone and neck. _

_It wasn't the same on him, he noted. Maybe Matt was wrong, maybe he wasn't supposed to smell like this; like his heroes. _

_He carefully washed his face and neck with the bar of generic soap that was beside the sink and grabbed a discarded hand towel and poured a small amount of the Old Spice onto the surface. He inhaled the soft terrycloth and left the bathroom to retreat to his own room. He would just have to stay in his room while Mr. Jake was here._

+/-

"-What else could we have done. Just… walk me through it, man."

Ken had started speaking while he had gotten caught up with the memory tied to the scent of cologne. His whole body was clenched, tight with anger, like a coiled snake ready to strike. His icy blue eyes were calculating and not quite looking into his own pale green ones.

Jeff didn't say anything; he didn't have too. He knew the blonde needed to blow off some steam and anything he said in his defense would be ignored anyways.

"We practiced, Jeff. We practices and practiced and then I made you run through it again." Ken was pacing now, back and forth occasionally running his hand over his face. "You have to execute the same moves over and over again, week after week. The ring doesn't change, the moves don't change. Explain to me why you manage to choke, still? " He bit back a gruff, ridiculing snort.

Jeff just kept his eyes downcast, carefully studying the small hole that had appeared in the upholstering of the bed on the medical table. He poked at the fraying pleather fabric and began to pull methodically at the cotton batting. Ken was such a nice guy. Athletic, funny, smart and diligent. He was a little sad that Ken was probably never going to work with him again. It also hurt that he was getting chewed out by someone he respected so much, but yeah. He understood why it was happening. He heard the door swing open and shut quietly, but didn't look up to see who it was. He just kept listening to the worked up man, in front of him.

"You know what? Your going to seriously hurt someone one of these days. If you can't stick your signature moves, what the fuck are you doing out there? Goddamn. We get it, Jeff! You don't care about what you do to yourself! But think about the rest of us, who don't want to have back surgery this year." He studied Jeff and noticed his eyes never lifted from the fabric, but his hands had clench on the bench, his knuckles turning white.

"But you already have hurt someone haven't you, Jeff? How is Freddy Mercury doing these days?"

Jeff went pale and ripped his eyes from the bench to look pleadingly at Ken, willing him to understand, "That was an accident! It was-"

And all of a sudden, he realized who was in the room with them.

Maria marched over from the doorway where she had been standing silently, trying to will Jeff to look over at her and let her know he was ok.

"Hey! You're going to back off!" She marched over to where the Wisconsin native was standing and stood toe to toe with him, albeit a good foot shorter.

"Look", she took a breath, "I get that your upset and on edge, but seriously? Yelling at Jeff while he's hurt… it was an accident, dude! Your ok, and I understand that you might have been scared, but imagine how he feels and just walk away for now." She put her small hand on his hoody covered shoulder and led him out of the door.

Out of Jeff's ear-shot she said softly, "Come back when you can express your opinions in an adult manner and when you can articulate how very scared you were for Jeff. Yeah, 'Mr. Kennedy', I saw your face out there, you were scared shitless for him, you heartless jerk." Then she turned back into the trainer's room and shut the door before he could say anything back at her.

She made her way over to Jeff, who hadn't moved but had been watching the slight girl with a look of awe in his eyes. Slowly, Maria put her arm around his shoulders in a half hug and began to trace small circles above his shoulder blade. After a few minutes of silence Jeff let his collard neck lean gently in the crook of Marias soft neck.

'It was an accident, you know? What happened to Fred?" He said gruffly, using his voice for the first time in an hour.

"Yeah. I know. Ken knows, too. He's just scared for you. A lot of us are scared for you."

He lifted his head and looked at her with a bright, dazed look on his face, as if seeing her for the first time. Her tanned face was smooth and free of her stage makeup so he could see the small constellation of freckles on her nose and cheeks. Her eyes were bright and lightly rimmed red (was she crying earlier?) and her hair pulled back and clipped out of her face. She was dressed in black stretch pants that hit mid calf and her ratty navy blue Converse were on her feet. She had an old white oxford shirt on that she might as well have been swimming in; the sleeves were rolled up to her elbows. But best of all were the plastic, tortoise shell, thick-framed glasses that were delicately perched on her nose.

He had never seen a more beautiful, strong women in his entire life. She was perfection; she was his Super Women. His Han Solo. His hero.

He blinked and rested his head in her neck again, breathing deeply. She smelled like grapefruit, lemon and fresh mowed grass. Perfect. And now way ahead of Old Spice on his list of what his protagonists should smell like.

"I'm fine, Maria." He sighed contently before chuckling, "They gave me pain pills."

"_I am a satellite,_

_never getting signal right._

_You are a constellation,_

_I can barely make you out tonight."_

+/-

AN: I know it's kind of short, but… PLEASE REVIEW ANYWAYS?

Credit: Lyrics belong to Lawrence Arms and the song is "Your Gravest Words".


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